The mask...

Dave....Dave....David.......DAVIID!  When I see this in print now as you do It makes sense whats being said, Its audible and as I read it  and inadvertently move my lips and say my name, I understand,
But at  the time it not only did not make sense to me, I was not even aware that it was being said!
Even as he laid his hand on my shoulder and shook I was slow to come around, I looked into the familiar blue eyes And noticed a broad smile beaming across his face, I could make out a few different shades of colour in his beard, Well it was more of a three day stubble Which didn't exactly match the hair on his head But certainly wasn't a mismatch either, A cruel joke played by Mother nature on us Irish, Or anyone with a touch of the lineage!
With a further shove I was in the room, Dave you ok? I though we lost you dude, It was Michael Fitzgerald's voice I was hearing, The distinct New York accent asking after me Now with his hand gripping the back of my collar assuming I had had too much to drink, The truth be known I had had about six vodkas and coke's, Not a little But certainly not enough to put me down!
Besides it was the staff Christmas party And I rarely found the time to let my hair down, Jeez man you were just staring into space like you were in a trance or something, He wasn't far wrong, The trance like status is what neurologists call the mask,  Its very prevalent in people with Parkinsons, Most  notably Muhammad Ali! Its where you lose all expression on your face, As well as several other functions, The ability to move at all is severely diminished, As is balance and coordination Its because dopamine levels in your brain are low, but I wasn't to know that then, I just thought I was working to hard!
In his hand was my phone, It was ringing, Dave man that's the third time its rang out, You better get it, It could be important...Those words resin ate still...
Hey, it's Trish,  Listen...I think you should maybe come home this evening...I think it might be time!! I almost choked as My heart sank I pressed the phone tight to my ear Not wanting to hear one word out of context, Wanting to make sure I heard it right....but really, Not wanting to hear it at all!
I had experienced this before  But never like this, There was a certain tone to it, Not a very nice one, A tone only someone who had just left his bedside for the thousandth time would have...Not one of urgency, But more like one of finality!
My heart was aching as I knew that over the years that he had been sick, I had for the most part en devoured to be the good son and brother, making as many visits as I could, Not easy when you work all week, You live a three hour drive away And you get to visit your daughter on the weekends, I had on some occasions let him down, Promising to visit...but life got in the way.
I fear that I was about to do the same now...Trish Ive been drinking and I'm not in a position to drive tonight, God how bad did that sound? To me in play back mode it almost sounded like I was telling her that It was rather inconvenient at the moment as I'm sharing a well deserved drink and Id see her tomorrow!
Regardless of how I thought It sounded, The fact was that It would be morning before I could hit the road!
I opened the door And was met by the familiar little faye carney, I say little because she once went to disney land and failed the height requirements on the rides! But as they say Good things come in small packages, With her thats true, Immediately flies in the door gives me a quick kiss and says ok slut...lets get rolling... Dressed in her pink uugs, Cotton pink hoodie and pink pants. she also wore pink gloves writing on them not for asstectics, they had printed on the left hand....left
and on the right, right  Her sense of directions were appalling! The history here was that we had dated for a while and everythingwas amazing, we got on like a house on fire And I guess we were in love! But the timing was wrong, So we tried the friends thing...and it worked, so it suited and it stuck!
Hours in, breaking every speed limit along the way, I'm glad I had bought the Merc, It was quick and comfortable and the comfort gave me plenty of time to reminisce about Dad, Strangely enough its tough to get a clear picture in you mind of someone you don't see too often, I learn ed on the road that you have to put it into context, You have think of his expression his  face when you last did something together. That worked for a while, When that didn't work anymore we sat in silence holding hands!
Not long now less than an hour to Cork, Were making good time, But I fear not good enough...I dropped the hammer hitting 120 miles per hour gripping the wheel like a man possessed,
staring at the road to the speedo to my phone wishing it silent and back to the road, Fay said something to me but i cant for the life of me remember...Just then the phone rang,.................................Ring ring ..............................ring ring...............................rin......Hello,
Dave,   I could feel the tears well, Yeh....He's gone! I burst into tears but quickly regained some composure,      when?     Just a minute ago  I sobbed....I'm so sorry He didn't see me before he left!
And in the worst moment of pain in my life ever, Its ok the boys were with him, Steven and shay her boys said Trish, So I slowed down realising the race had already been run and that he'd been surrounded by love when he left.... Besides Ive had several conversations with since then, Like now as I right about him!!  Ive spoken to my nephew on one occasion about holding his hand and watching a loved one exhale the very essence of their being with their last outward breath And he said that on the day it was quite frightening But now he realises how privileged he was.


Regards Dave.
PS they wont all be dark!