The knock came to the door as I suspected it would, Though i had sweated and fretted all evening praying it never would, But something had told me that this person had been in this position before and was doing one of two things, Maybe He was worried that his dirty little secret was out And his plan of action was to nip it in the bud perhaps apologising for the misunderstanding, believing that my father might reluctantly accept his explanation, not fully understanding what was being implied, Playing on the mixed emotions of what parents back then really wanted to believe,Sure why would he come over and more or less implicate himself in something that I failed to mention over the dinner table, unless of course it was all a big misunderstanding... I don't think there was any neglect on my fathers part, He certainly loved me as much as I love my own daughter, I just think that adults back then were more naive than we are today! I guess they had to make their minds up with less available information to hand, Unlike today with the tap of a button everything you need to know is there! And the more you use this service, The more blurred the facts become, Its not long before the answers you seek become fact, Whether there true or not! But back then parents had much less info to work with, It was OK to drink and drive, Cigarettes were harmless to children in the room, And neighbours didn't try to molest your kids!! Agia, my German Shepard was now standing at the inside porch door losing his mind barking like he was possessed, They do say that dogs are good judges of character,
I hoped this might be enough to drive off the unwelcome caller, I was slow to rise from the kitchen table, Partly because i just did not want to face this...this...absolute horror of a human being, But mostly because earlier that day I had thrown myself from a moving car to prevent myself from being, Well... I guess...Molested!
When i opened the door, I don't know what I expected But I didn't expect him to be smiling, Holding my school bag in his hand and beckoning for me to come outside, I froze looking at him through the outside glass door, Thinking that I should feel safe here, In my house, with my family, On my turf! But I didn't, Now more than ever I felt as vulnerable here trapped in the porch, As I had felt when I was forced earlier that day to throw myself from his moving car to avoid his unwelcome sexual advances, I just stood there uncomfortable, awkward...ashamed In the glass porch, The porch that to him must have from where he was standing resembled a goldfish bowl or worse still a menu board!
When he put his hand on the handle and attempted to open the door, Survival mode kicked in and I pushed open the door behind me, Allowing my now manic snarling German Shepard Agia into the porch, Within a second the glass door was covered in giant paw prints and a white foamy dogs saliva, The side of the dogs face pressed against the window, One eye fixed on the prize! Before that day I had never seen a dog actually bite glass!
Needles to say his attempts to open the door ceased, And I watched his face turn a sickly grey as he realised that he had lost the power, A power that all paedophiles rely on to control their victims!
And believe me now I realise I was a victim, But then there was sense of shame, A shame that makes you feel guilty, A shame that generally plays you right into their hands!
Thankfully as the dog continued with his rant the glass door turned an oppace colour from his breath, Hiding me, Hiding my face, At least hiding my shame!
He layed my bag down outside the door And slowly backed out of the gate, I could barely make out the profile of his grey suit through the foggy glass as he turned and started the engine of his blue renault 5, Which had a very distinct sound to it, Like a piston was misfiring, A sound that over the next year or so of my life, I was to become all too familiar with, As we played cat and mouse on the five mile stretch of road between Cobh and East ferry, A stretch of road I referred to as The five mile hide.
I want to stress that not for a minute do I consider myself a casuallty, Others may over the course of the next few weeks disagree as I attempt to make sense of that whole period of my life, These are true stories that I have shared with only a few people in my life, Week to week I will continue with excerpts from this trying and somewhat damaging period of my life, This is meant to help me, And in the meantime if other people can relate as I tell my story And ultimately expose the perpetrator of these heinous crimes...Well more power to all of us!
Regards Dave.
