Reluctant Couch potatoes.....

Where do I start? How do I hope to continue And of course, However will I finish as I feel the all too familiar slowing of my thoughts, My silent opinions, My private charms dissipating letting go, Gradually giving up their lease on my mind, Now more like unwelcome squatters, Cast aside by the tyrannical landlord whom they until now served so well, Thrown to the ditch soon to be forgotten, Unable to fulfil their duties now...Unsure of where to go now...Never the less, They go now...they go ...They've gone...now!
As the mind slows it reaches a jubcture where it can give no more to the illness, Anymore would render it usless, Anymore and the senses would dull the pain to the extent that what comes now would never be felt And whats the use of pain if you don't get to experience it, If you're denied the sweet agony of your own personal pain, Not a familiar pain created by the heart, No, not a pain as you yearn for that one great love...That unrequited love, That pain spent so many nights agonising over, That pain you're sure  will never pass...but it doe's...It always doe's! A different kind of pain!
So now the body begins to capitulate, Slowly at first not wanting to give up it's devine designs of the day, The fingers are usually the first to go, Cramping so bad they take on the appearance of claws, Useless and turning purple to boot! Then comes the involuntary leg and arm spasms cramping the calves so bad that it seems every little muscle has a personal score to settle, The years of abuse on the basketball court, Or the hours each day tearing down muscle fibers with excessive weight in the hope of creating the body beautiful!
Now unable to rise from the couch, Unable to even vocalise as a heavy shadow of apathy rests on my skin making me feel defenceless....useless even, certainly without opinion!
Now it's time to play host to every regret in my life to date blaming every lttle damaging thing I've ever done To find myself in this predicament now, But really knowing that whatever the reason for the cells of the substansia nigra to perish and stop producing dopamine, There was nothing I could have done to save them!
It's said that before I would have noticed the first symtoms, eighty per cent of the damage would have been done, A cruel blessing I guess As there is a saying, That if you worry about the worst case scenario and it happens anyway...You've lived it twice! So probably better this way.
And although I have for the most part accepted my fate, I still wonder was it genetic or enviornmental that caused this cruel joke called Parinson's  Or was it just a freak accident of fate...Perhaps my genetics were the loaded gun and the envionment pulled the trigger!
I guess I'll never know on my journey into Life in gradual slow motion. But what I do know for certain is that as it progresses and by it's nature that's what it will do... that yesterday will always be the best day I've ever had!
Shaky Dave.

Metres to miles...

Every step is one of uncertainty, I'm not happy about this And I voice my objections privately through gritted teeth! Will I make it to the door?  I don't know...I should do! It's only five more meters, Sure I could fall three times with my six foot frame and I'd be there!
If so will I fumble with the keys as I lean against the wall feeling the chilled beads of sweat racing down my forehead stopping only when I feel the familiar sting in my eyes, Trying to catch my breath as its snatched out of my chest by the cold dead hand of this night.
Refuge?...My usually sharp senses now dulled as I step into the elevator, Staring at the numbers, They mean little to me now as they play their little game of mathematical dyslexia with me...Gazing down at the hand that now so often betrays me , I aim for three It decides instead on five, Lofty aspirations...It's all penthouses there...So five it is!

Just a five metre period of my life from yesterday where I figured it out, While Parkinson's robs my body... It rewards my mind!! And time doesn't matter anymore on my journey into life in gradual slow motion... It's all about distance!

Shaky Dave.